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sluttiness (mom, don't read this one ;) )

i am active on only one lifestyle related list, women as property of men @ yahoogroups. i like this list. we've been discussing the term "slut" for a few days now. this lead to a discussion of women sleeping with several men. or dominants having their submissives have sex with several men.....
i am not a slut. i have, at times, aspired to be. i have been envious of women who can have casual sex. i've longed to have a one night stand, never trading phone numbers or even sharing names. but, it isn't me.
i had this discussion with a couple of friends a few months ago. we compared the numbers of our sexual exploitations. while my friends were past all fingers and toes, i was still on both hands. it isn't that i am stuck in societal mores that a woman shouldn't sleep around. in fact, i was determined to turn over a new leaf...to start the new year with a resolution to count past my toes.
here it is, august and i am still wearing my shoes when i count.
it isn't that i have lack of opportunity either. i could have a fuck buddy or two if i extended the invitation.
what is it, then?
i don't even play casually. i like to have a small handful of selected play partners. this, i understand. i don't play casually because i don't play lightly. i don't even care for the term "play" at all. if i am to get anything out of it, it has to be serious. i have to feel...to know...i am controlled. i don't want to play with safewords and i don't give a damn about the SSC cliché. safe is boring. sane is a matter of personal perspective. and consensuality ruins the moment for me. and respecting limits? blah...i want mine pushed. i need mine crossed. i just don't see a point if he is there to make me happy.
maybe it is the same way with sex. i can't have a mental connection with a one night stand. it takes time to crawl into each other's minds and play around a bit in there, taking in the scenery, before a connection is made. there isn't anything casual about a good mind fuck. and if you can't give me a good mind fuck, you aren't about to fuck my body. please don't get me wrong. i love sex. the fact that i have lived now for quite a long time without it irritates me. when i do find the right partner, i am the energizer bunny turned mad nymph.
then there was the typical conversation that followed....the difference in being a slut for one person and being a slut for all, and the effect of the word. in high school, sluts were the bad girls. the girls who slept with the football team and the english teachers. they were loose. they were easy. they wore their skirts too short and too much makeup. and no one liked them. yet, a boy who slept with all the cheerleaders and the english teacher was cool. he was "all that and a bag of chips" as my kids say. double standards. secretly i envied these girls. there was a line between being a virgin and being a slut and you had to be somewhere in the middle. you were teased if you were a virgin and you were an outcast if you were a slut.
the ethical slut told us that it is ok to sleep around. sure. having more than one sex partner isn't a problem for me, but i can't even find that one who can stimulate my mind before my clit. i've no doubt i could be a shameless slut for one person.....even for others if that were his wish. but, on my own? guess not.
maybe i am a sexual snob?

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Comments

doudance
Aug. 29th, 2003 04:17 pm (UTC)
slutty, sluts and slutish...
Well, i have often been referred to as a slut.
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Well, i have often been referred to as a slut. <dungeon slut, park slut, couch slut and a few others i suppose> I take the term to mean different things at different times. To be a slut to me, doesn't exactly mean that you are having sex with multiple partners. Mostly it's an attitude. I guess in a sense i am a picky slut too. Most assuredly i can be slutty, i can dress and act sluttish. I like some amount of casual sex, if it fits my criteria (generally someone that i care for on some other level) I do know that within me lies the ability to be and do what ever my partner wants, as long as He has the ability to press the right buttons.

As for one night stands and such...been there done that...its pretty empty and at this stage in my life, they just don't work for me. No regrets for the past, enjoying the present and hopeful for the future.

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