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Aug. 21st, 2003

so i lied. i did want to know more about Chris. i went to a therapist once, a few weeks after. after talking with him a bit, i asked him a question that meant a lot to me. i wondered, i asked him, if it were possible that Chris picked a fight with me the night before so that it would be easier to do what he may have been planning to do just before he met me. after talking with B tonight, on the phone, i learned more about Chris and his "inability to have a firm grasp on reality." i am convinced that i really didn't have as much to do with his suicide as i may have once believed. i am not sure how to classify this feeling. i am also convinced he would have done it eventually. this is sort of a feeling of relief. if so, better then than when things may have become even more serious.
it is still odd.....these levels of separation that are quite slim.

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( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
doudance
Aug. 23rd, 2003 06:24 am (UTC)
*hugs* just went through the frights again myself. Sometimes intense emotions bring it out, but it really doesn't have anything to do with anyone else...it's just a darkness and it's terrifying at times. I have different ways of coping with it now and better friends. I don't think it will ever go away and i imagine one day it may completely catch me again.
melissamuse
Aug. 23rd, 2003 08:06 am (UTC)
no frights for me. i think i am, at last, at peace with the psychological demons Chris left in my closet. i just thought it was odd that i begin communicating on a somewhat potential level with someone who knew him, and knew him fairly well. i've always lived in the light. Chris just cast a shadow on that for about a year, but it is time to move on.
i am sorry you have so much darkness in your life. but, as Cohen says, just remember....there is a crack in everything. that's how the light gets in. think positive. i believe if you face the darkness completely it will go away one day. you may need to talk to someone on a regular basis to do this, but you will be better for it.
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don't fear death
melissamuse
melissa muses (or maia, you choose)

Roma

wandering does not make you a "gypsy."
why would you call yourself
after those who have no home?
long skirts and hoop earrings
do not make you a "gypsy."
why do you call yourself after
those who have no clothes?

"gypsy" is pejorative. please don't perpetuate the stereotype. educate yourself on what it really means to be a "gypsy" in this world.

Who are the Roma?

Decade of Roma Inclusion

Dženo Association

European Roma Rights Centre

Roma Balkans

Roma National Congress

Romani World

Rombase

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Rroma Media Network

Soros Roma Initiatives

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The European Union and Roma

The Patrin Webjournal: Romani Culture and History

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