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Aug. 2nd, 2003

i was going to go to the party tonight but have decided it may not be the best idea, so i won't. i am doing ok....and hitting the "finish line" of what has been one of the most difficult years in my life. tomorrow will be a year since Chris took his own life and devastated mine.
i had a strange dream last night. someone called me to tell me Chris was in the hospital...that he had a heart attack. i went running to the hospital but the nurses wouldn't let me in to see him. i kept telling them they had to because there was a terrible mistake. it could not be Chris in there because Chris was dead. they finally let me in. it was him. we held each other and cried and cried. it was all some horrible thing his mother set up....making me think he was dead and convincing him i had run off. how all that worked who knows....it was a dream. but we were reunited and madly in love.
whatever....
so the year comes to a close and it is really over. unless he is an elephant, he has been reborn. now, in a sort, it is time for me to do the same. and i am ready. truly ready.

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Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
mysticknyght
Aug. 2nd, 2003 08:55 am (UTC)
*hugs*
melissamuse
Aug. 2nd, 2003 10:27 am (UTC)
thank you :)

smiles....
maia
mysticknyght
Aug. 2nd, 2003 10:31 am (UTC)
smiles are important and infinitely sexier than frowns...

but then again, moans can be sexier than smiles, provided they're preceded by smiles *eg*
melissamuse
Aug. 2nd, 2003 10:50 am (UTC)
ah, but moans through smiles are the best!
mysticknyght
Aug. 2nd, 2003 04:45 pm (UTC)
i can't argue with that :-)
(Anonymous)
Aug. 4th, 2003 04:27 am (UTC)
You're never really as alone as you think, memories are oft the continued existence of the ones who you cared for and loved, no matter how long those memories have gathered dust or how distant they seem. Never under estimate the fact that others are watching over you, even ones you'd least expect. Move on, but never forget.
temporalknot
Aug. 4th, 2003 08:14 am (UTC)
i am doing ok....and hitting the "finish line" of what has been one of the most difficult years in my life. tomorrow will be a year since Chris took his own life and devastated mine.

Holy shit.

I saw a while ago that you had friended me but I've only just now begun checking out your journal. You must know my wife passed away a year ago July 20th? So we know a lot of what each other is going through. Hasn't been a real easy time for me the past month either. I'm considering therapy... both talk and pharmacological.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and I are too young to have to go through the pain of losing a partner. We're not supposed to have to worry about that until after we've grown old together.
melissamuse
Aug. 4th, 2003 08:25 am (UTC)
i don't remember how i came across your journal but it hit home with me so i added you to my friend list.
yes, we are too young. today is the 4th, the actual day (though it will always be on a sunday for me) and i am doing ok. better actually than i was last week.
we will forever be affected, but our life has to go on.
do go to therapy. nothing means you need it more than feeling like you need it, rather than everyone telling you that you need it.
sending hugs....
maia
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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don't fear death
melissamuse
melissa muses (or maia, you choose)

Roma

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