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Jun. 1st, 2003


i must be the most self-destructive person in the world. if i am feeling a bit high emotionally i take the most drastic measures to come down.....fast and hard. i spent part of the evening in a delightful conversation with someone...conversations i have grown to enjoy.
it is the second time i have knocked myself down by thinking about what has happened in the past, and with enough visual effects, to send me scampering for the safety of my shell.
only weeks after i started seeing T, he knew he needed to back off. the words he told me when i did so were enlightening to my fragile state. he knew i wasn't ready. "too easy to fall in love with" he said between goodbyes. it hurt. but i thought there would come a time when i was ready to poke my head out of my turtle world and taste the warm air again.
i can't expect someone to have the patience it could take to coax me out. to deal with my baggage, my fears and my trepidations. funny thing is, those fears have nothing at all to do with my own pain. but, rather, the pain that T must have foreseen when he gave up.... it is a fear of hurting another man in my life.... putting another soul in my jar.
i have steered clear of commitment all my life. only in the last few years have i realized it and tried to understand why. the end of my relationship with Chris released a demon, perhaps one of his very own, that taunts me and says "see.....see what happens....."
i am not sad or depressed.....but i am angry. he couldn't stay with me, yet managed to be sure i can't let go with anyone else. i can't even enjoy the prospect.
yes, i am so very angry. if i could have him back for just 5 minutes, i would surely have a lot to tell him.
so i work and work so that i don't have time to think.....to really feel. and i will end up a sour old spinster floating alone on a boat in the middle of an empty ocean.

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don't fear death
melissamuse
melissa muses (or maia, you choose)

Roma

wandering does not make you a "gypsy."
why would you call yourself
after those who have no home?
long skirts and hoop earrings
do not make you a "gypsy."
why do you call yourself after
those who have no clothes?

"gypsy" is pejorative. please don't perpetuate the stereotype. educate yourself on what it really means to be a "gypsy" in this world.

Who are the Roma?

Decade of Roma Inclusion

Dženo Association

European Roma Rights Centre

Roma Balkans

Roma National Congress

Romani World

Rombase

Rroma

Rroma Media Network

Soros Roma Initiatives

Studii Romani

The European Union and Roma

The Patrin Webjournal: Romani Culture and History

Voice of Roma
World Bank Roma Initiatives

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