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decisions...decisions....

as the inevitability of war draws closer, my travel gear finds itself arranged and rearranged in my backpack. six months of living packed into 5400 cubic inches of spaces. three weeks ago when i signed up with an organization that would take me to the middle east as a logistician for emergency response humanitarian efforts, i was a little indecisive, but a flip of a coin was easy enough. could i be ready to go in 72 hours? sure. my travel documents in order, i need only get the required immunizations, which can be done in a day.
easy enough?
not anymore. i began to think more about the projects and programs i have going with my current organization, still in their early stages, but with enough foundation to carry on...maybe. but handing tasks over to my staff has led me to second guess the strength of that foundation. and, on top of that, another organization has handed me an offer that makes it quite difficult to leave. its all wrapped up in opportunities that will make a major impact in the community i serve.
the bottom line keeps coming down to this: the organization in the middle east will go through with their work whether i am there or not....someone else will simply take my place. the work in the east here may not go through without me.
so, going to iraq seems selfish. not that it wasn't tinged with selfishness to begin with....it wasn't purely unselfish even though people commend my idealism in going. my ultimate career goal in this somewhat new sector of my life (since leaving the corporate world a couple of years ago) is to be a country director for humanitarian relief in a developing country....usually a one year commitment. and i need work in a war torn, unstable environment to paste in my resume to get there. but, maybe now is not the time for that....maybe now i need to build a solid structure atop the foundation i have laid here....leave something here that will survive without me. to do this, i need to fully train my staff and volunteers and empower my community to do for themselves what i am now helping them to do. finish what i started.
with that said and considered, i don't think a flip of a coin is going to solve this one.............

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don't fear death
melissamuse
melissa muses (or maia, you choose)

Roma

wandering does not make you a "gypsy."
why would you call yourself
after those who have no home?
long skirts and hoop earrings
do not make you a "gypsy."
why do you call yourself after
those who have no clothes?

"gypsy" is pejorative. please don't perpetuate the stereotype. educate yourself on what it really means to be a "gypsy" in this world.

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