February 25th, 2011

cat and mouse

corked inspiration

A few months ago I covered one of the windows on the boat with corkboard... will likely do the same in the van. The little bulletin board is my inspiration...sort of a personal shrine to keep me on track. I don't have much on it at all:

a card that says: Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. (Neale Donald Walsch)
a postcard from my visit to Auschwitz/Birkeneau of the gate, just to remind me to stop bitching about stuff. My life is never really that bad.
A postcard from Route 66 to remind me of how much I love road trips and to keep on keepin' on.
My father's air force stripes just because I love him.
And an old photo of my father showing me (rather than doing it for me) how to open a door that I could barely reach...this reminds me to learn for myself, as he always taught me. He was the kinda guy that you could ask "what time is it?" and he would proceed to tell you exactly how a clock worked. Brilliant that way.
A silver angel pin that I just happened to find one day.
A Buddha protection card - self explanatory
I also have the business card of a professor at Greenwich (Sir Thomas Acton) that I admire greatly just to remind me to what I aspire to be. It was given to me by a professor on my committee. She met him at a conference and told him about my work. She thought I should contact him. I haven't the balls. Fandom...sheesh.

These are the things I look to when I feel lost, worried or just unfocused. I am totally unfocused these last few days. I need something new on my bulletin board to make me finish my thesis. i was so close... now i just stare at the screen.....
  • Current Music
    Alice - Tom Waits
lost in a book

attaching love to sex is one of the most bizarre ideas the Creator ever had

Not that he lacks sensuality; he simply lacks the strength to give orders. There are things than can be accomplished only by violence. Physical love is unthinkable without violence.

"Why don't you ever use your strength on me?" she asked.
"Because love means renouncing strength," said Franz softly.
Sabina realized two things: first, that Franz's words were noble and just; second, that they disqualified him from her love life.

i know i quote Kundera too much. i needed some escape reading tonight.....I relate so well to Sabina.

....Sabina was charmed more by betrayal than by fidelity.
Betrayal means breaking ranks. Betrayal means breaking ranks and going off into the unknown. Sabina knew of nothing more magnificent than going off into the unknown.

Yes, it was too late and Sabina knew she would have to leave Paris, move on, and on again, because were she to die here they would cover her up with a stone, and in the mind of a woman for whom no place is home the thought of an end to all flight is unbearable.

i am not a fiction reader, but I find that Kundera's fiction is merely a mask for the truth.

When we want to give expression to a dramatic situation in our lives, we tend to use metaphors of heaviness. We say that something has become a great burden to us. We either bear the burden or fail and go down with it, we struggle with it, win or lose. And Sabina What had come over her? Nothing. She had left a man because she felt like leaving him. Had he persecuted her? Had he tried to take revenge on her? No. Her drama was a drama not of heaviness but of lightness. What fell to her lot was not the burden but the unbearable lightness of being.
  • Current Music
    Catarina - Joe Purdy