September 21st, 2007


never hire the cheshire cat.

so i had this dream that seemed to last all night.... clearly a culmination of a recent review of alice in wonderland, too much media absorption of my sister's trial and a little time thing that is going on in my life..... or maybe it is the relationship of alice in court and her sister (i think?) who wakes her....
i'm in court. the jurors all hold pencils and have no faces, my attorney is the cheshire cat, and the prosecutor is my sister's prosecutor. in photos from my sister's opening statements yesterday the prosecutor is holding a replica of a desert eagle gun. in mine, he holds a glock.
she is on trial for murdering a fiance.
i am on trial for murdering chris.
the jury won't allow me to leave my chair except at 12:01, i am allowed to go pee and brush my hair, but must come immediately back. when i am called to defend myself, i can't get out of my chair and go to the stand because it isn't 12:01. so i don't get to testify on my behalf.
the judge is the queen of hearts and her desk is lined with tarts. every now and then she bends over and licks one. the hearts on her deck are upside-down.
the cheshire cat sits on the witness stand, questioning witnesses and his tail hangs off the edge, going back and forth, back and forth, just like the tail on those retro cat clocks. tick tock tick tock, to the oversized clock on the wall behind the queen. the ticking is maddening and, instead of chiming, every seven minutes the clock says "guilty guilty guilty"
i wished i could grow larger and scare everyone...or smaller and crawl out a mouse hole. i remember i kept looking around the courtroom for a comforting face, but i didn't know anyone there. and every time i would meet someone's eyes, he would just shake his head and click his tongue to the clock.
there was a lot of nonsense i don't remember.....cryptic words....rhyme...and whispering.
i was convicted.... during the verdict, a faceless juror said i was like my sister...we could share a cell and i could swim in my own gene pool. i was told to report to jail right away and not to be late.
i left the courtroom to find the jail and woke up......

i swear i didn't drop acid before bed.
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