August 30th, 2007

shake words fly up

(no subject)

i am amazingly resilient in situations of stress. i just see no point in worrying over things i can't change. worry is wasteful. i'm also not an emotional person. compounded, these two traits of mine have, in the past, had the tendency to make me seem unfeeling in emotional situations and uncaring in times of stress. it isn't either..... the former is knowing only how to deal instinctively and unemotionally to make things right and the latter is just dealing.
when people worry about me, it really bothers me. i'm not sure why. perhaps because i don't like being the focus of attention and i'm sure because i view it as a pointless and incapacitating emotion. so i find it odd that when others worry, i stress.
Dr. Bill Allin, a contemporary sociologist, writes of worry the implications of its destructive nature to the extent that he calls it a slow suicide. he says we always have an excuse for worry, never a valid reason. worry is self-pity because it is self-focused. worry, he posits, implies we don't have confidence or trust in the person we inflict with our worry. he says worry is purely voluntary and backs it up with the point that no one ever asks us to worry about us. when we accept this we can "shake the habit". He writes: If you can't do anything about it, don't worry because it won't likely happen anyway. If you can do something about it, get on with it. If a situation means that much to you, change it or change the conditions that create it.
not to mention, we all know the effects of worry on health, as latent as they may be. so if people worry about me, am i contributing to a culmination of emotions that impact their health? i do have some understanding that worrying people "can't help it". but, it is such a helpless feeling when people worry about you and seem to disregard all the reasons you give them not to if they don't have confidence in my ability to cope. it makes me feel like i am talking, but no one is listening.

i am craving a snowball for breakfast. is that strange? maybe with some toast.

did i mention it rains here every afternoon? if i want to go to the market, or anywhere, i have to do it in the mornings. it is a process... first the thunder, the clouds roll in, the heavens open up, and that is the end of the day. it doesn't just pours until, and often after, dusk. not that you can tell it isn't dusk when the rain is coming down. it has turned into something i know i can depend upon every day...

just to make sure i do my outings in the morning, there are a bunch of roosters that make their way to my kitchen window to be sure i am up before the sun. what do you call a bunch of roosters anyway? a congregation of cocks?
no, really, what do you call them?

did you know 2000 trees per minute are cut down in the rainforests? 65% of the rainforests in central america have been cleared to graze cattle (which will only be murdered for carnivores)? that we lose 50 species every day due to deforestation? and that over 50% of the earth's species and 90% of all primates live in rainforests?

there is my environmental plug for the day. aren't i a good person? :P