June 5th, 2004

don't fear death

(no subject)

i have so neglected my journal these days. but i didn’t want to fill it with boredom....sleep, summer classes and work..... it is clear i have little about which to write when my journal gets filled with news clippings and silly quizzes.
i have decided to jump in (yet again) and try the dating thing. i don’t know what it is that causes me to dread getting back out in that world. i have always known, in life, exactly what i want.....but in this area i just don’t. i want to share my life with someone, but at the same time i am so terrified of being suffocated. so, here goes the zen approach of jumping in again.....this time i will try not to be so quick to swim for land. but, i find myself doing the same thing when i am interested in someone....i return to chris and refresh the tragedy as if i am trying to remind myself what can happen in relationships. i know i need to stress CAN happen..... the fact is what happened doesn’t happen all that often. our past is not our future....our past is not our future..... sighs
ok, mother nature, either rain or don’t but stop the in between so i can either have a valid excuse for not washing the boats or so i can get it done!