July 24th, 2003

don't fear death

(no subject)

i came across something i read tonight that left me wondering how much of what we perceive to be in life is really real? i am a truster. that is, i trust everyone until i am given a reason not to, a good reason. i've always been that way and never let those who have broken that trust change that. after Chris died i found out he had lied to me about not ever sleeping with a close female friend of his. it did not bother me so much when she told me they had had an intimate relationship (though why she told me this in my pain, i don't understand). i assumed he didn't know me well enough to know that his close relationship with her would not have affected me even if he had a relationship with her in the past. i am not a jealous woman and i know he loved me. in fact, i have often thought he loved me too much. loving me is a dangerous thing.
but what i read tonight hangs over my heart like a dark cloud in a place where light was starting to peek in.