May 29th, 2003

don't fear death

wandering on the water


i think i have always found refuge on the water. i feel claustrophobic landlocked. in the mornings i often have my coffee and orange juice on the deck, looking out over the water. it is especially nice now that there are no boats to my port side, the side that opens out into the lake. i feed the ducks i have come to call my own - xena, boy toy and their two babies. when no one is around i feed the gulls too. i love to throw bits of treats to them and watch in amazement as they catch it in midair. boat owners hate the gulls for obvious reasons. i try to lure in the pelicans, those powerful beauties, that have returned from endangerment, but they want nothing to do with me, long ago losing any trust in the human race. smart bird. our lake has been endangered too. words of "save our lake" plastered on car bumpers and the very boats that dump their refuge into it. the lake is at its best at sunrise and sunset when the sun reflects hues that the lake hides at other times. when people ask me my favorite color, it is always the color of sunset...that blend of reds and yellows, mauves and blues.
this morning is quiet. i think our minds are much like the water. so much under the surface, hidden in the darkness, unknown to those who gaze upon us. our surfaces as deceiving as the water. though it looks as though we can step out and walk across, we cannot. we never know how deep, how shallow, how cold or how warm. people are so much this way. i've a friend who calls me "ducky". when i asked him why he told me it is because i am nice and cool on the surface, but paddling like hell beneath. just like the human psyche, there are depths of water yet unexplored, bodies yet unchartered. water gives birth to life and takes life. it challenges the bold to adventure and chastises those who adventure too deep. as do we.....allowing the world to cruise our surface, without a hint if a dive is risk or reward. will we drown there, gasping for air and desperately trying to re-surface once again? or will we swim, weightless, discovering sunken treasures and new life? do we dare take the risk at all, or chose to stay aboard our safe vessels?


i am water
step slowly off the golden, sandy shore of safety
float my broken, glassy surfaces, find peace and calm
i will hold you to my warm, rocking breast like a lover
sustain you, share with you my gentle secrets of life
and i will carry you, dangerously, to the other side
come inside

i am water
swim deep within my darkness, rise within my light
search my golden treasures of others' dreamed desires
ride out swiftly, my rocky storms come what may come
i will take your breath away without thought, it is my nature
yet quench your insatiable thirst forever, it is my place
come inside

i am water
without tasting of my warm wetness you cannot live
you must ride my ebb and flow to travel distant lands
i am the salty tears you will cry when no one is home
my reflection of sun kissed hues is the song of your soul
my depths of shadow and mystery are your watery grave
come inside
don't fear death

(no subject)

i took the kittens to the vet today. one of them, the runt, didn't do so well overnight and was dehydrating today. i must have been blessed because $85 later the vet tech offered to foster them until a home could be found. thien is quite happy with this outcome.
i miss them a little, but two more cats on a boat with a king cat don't do so well. i will call in the morning to see how little runt is doing. thien has an appointment there monday to get...shhhhh....snipped.
i finally managed to clear the top of my desk today. i just hate it when my office gets messy. i can't work productively when it is. i am taking weekends off until mid-june. i just won't know what to do with myself on the weekends!