May 22nd, 2003

don't fear death

here we go again....

summer is here and the air conditioner is kicked on now. sure makes the boat feel smaller when i have to keep the windows closed. xena, one of the ducks that hang out here, had her babies. three sweet, little chicks. i hope they make it.
i've made a deal with a friend to date at least once a month. doesn't sound like so much, but i talked the deal down from three times and then two times a month. so i've re-activated my ad at bondage and along with the deal i have to actually answer some of the emails. i'm working on it, but talking to people is more of an effort than i thought it would be. my friend seems to think the hours i work are not solely dedication to my cause, but "a filler" for other things lacking in my life. don't you love armchair shrinks? ;) he also thinks, by making the dating deal, that i need to quit choosing unattainable men when i do....those who are married or live at least 1000 miles away. ironic since the emails i have chosen to answer live overseas. coincidence, really. really, it is a coincidence. so, at least one email a week and one date a month. i think i can handle that. i think....
i have had some nice conversations with someone who has.....well, perked my interests and made me feel as if i am rising, ever so slowly from the dead....or, rather from sleeping with the dead.
i did go to the party last saturday. first time since before mardi gras. i just haven't been in the mood to be there. apparently, still am not. i left early.
meanwhile, on the work front it has been the week from hell. i just don't know what is up with staff who seem to feel they are doing you a major favor by working for you. i have one who just quit because i would not "comp" her vacation time after only two weeks in her position and another who seems to show up only when she is in the mood. when i wrote her up about her hours, she actually told me, "what does it matter to you if i don't work 40 hours? it hurts me, not you." unbelievable. utterly unbelievable. i so want to fire her, but at the moment i have no one else in that center and two in my other who is pregnant and one who is leaving in august. so working 9 to 9 seven days a week is not really a filler!! i have 60 kids starting summer camp next week so if anyone wants summer volunteer work..... ;)
on that to work.


PS the more i think about it....why wouldn't i chose unattainable men? i am clear that i am not looking for attainable..... and why does everyone want so much these days? it is like there is a rushing surge to have a "relationship"!