February 28th, 2003

don't fear death

Friday Five

that time again....

1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)?
nonfiction and poetry.....i rarely read fiction

2. What is your favorite novel?
tough one, but one that sticks with me, that i read many years ago is the black plume. it was written as the diary of edgar alan poe. the god of small things was one of my favorites too.

3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!)
i have way too many. probably this one, by Byron:

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:--
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met--
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?--
With silence and tears.

4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read?
i wish i had time to re-read more classics....and historical biographies and poetry....and...hell, i wish i had more time to read!

5. What are you currently reading?
just hit me that i am not reading anything at all for pleasure these days. i need to make time for that. i am reading a book on immigration laws, but that is work related....
don't fear death


as the inevitability of war draws closer, my travel gear finds itself arranged and rearranged in my backpack. six months of living packed into 5400 cubic inches of spaces. three weeks ago when i signed up with an organization that would take me to the middle east as a logistician for emergency response humanitarian efforts, i was a little indecisive, but a flip of a coin was easy enough. could i be ready to go in 72 hours? sure. my travel documents in order, i need only get the required immunizations, which can be done in a day.
easy enough?
not anymore. i began to think more about the projects and programs i have going with my current organization, still in their early stages, but with enough foundation to carry on...maybe. but handing tasks over to my staff has led me to second guess the strength of that foundation. and, on top of that, another organization has handed me an offer that makes it quite difficult to leave. its all wrapped up in opportunities that will make a major impact in the community i serve.
the bottom line keeps coming down to this: the organization in the middle east will go through with their work whether i am there or not....someone else will simply take my place. the work in the east here may not go through without me.
so, going to iraq seems selfish. not that it wasn't tinged with selfishness to begin with....it wasn't purely unselfish even though people commend my idealism in going. my ultimate career goal in this somewhat new sector of my life (since leaving the corporate world a couple of years ago) is to be a country director for humanitarian relief in a developing country....usually a one year commitment. and i need work in a war torn, unstable environment to paste in my resume to get there. but, maybe now is not the time for that....maybe now i need to build a solid structure atop the foundation i have laid here....leave something here that will survive without me. to do this, i need to fully train my staff and volunteers and empower my community to do for themselves what i am now helping them to do. finish what i started.
with that said and considered, i don't think a flip of a coin is going to solve this one.............