January 30th, 2003

don't fear death

(no subject)

If you want to know the past, to know what has caused you, look at yourself in the present, for that is the pasts effect. If you want to know your future, then look at yourself in the present, for that is the cause of the future.

-Majjhima Nikaya

i've had a shitty day. two of my grant proposals were turned down today. one i was almost sure would be awarded. i'm on quite a losing streak with grant requests these days and we really need the funding! the one i really expected is to fund an economic development program i have been running since November with no funding. some days i really miss the budgets of the corporate world.
i have two other proposals floating out there and i am crossing my fingers....and toes. i've been thinking that part of the problem may not be me but that i am shooting for corporate funding in a weakening economy. federal grants intimidate me....perhaps it is time to get over that.
my goal now is to get out at least one proposal per week....surely my losing streak will break at that quota?
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don't fear death

(no subject)

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.

A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect.
There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful
heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly
about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's
heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been
removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several
jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared - "How can he say his heart is more beautiful?" they thought. The
young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be
joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect, and yours is a mess of
scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You
see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of
my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into
the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough
edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.

Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance.
Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for
these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting.
So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the
old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He
offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in
his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in
the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore, but more beautiful than ever,
since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away
side by side.
- Author Unknown