on again, off again . . .

i bet there are not many people reading my journal anymore....it is a dark place to be, eh?

"The person who commits suicide puts his psychological skeleton in the survivor�s emotional closet."
The suicidologist, Edwin Shneidman

i am going to finally go to a support group meeting...maybe. i plan to anyway. and, yes, i will talk to someone. i made an appointment for that too. and will go...maybe.


If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken,
no time to say good-bye,
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
And secret tears still flow,
What it means to lose you,
no one will ever know.


If I could have a lifetime wish,
a dream that would come true.
I would wish with all my heart,
for yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back,
I know because I've tried.
Neither will a million tears,
I know because I've cried.
You left behind our broken hearts,
and happy memories too.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you!

Funeral Blues


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.

Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.

My working week and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one;

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

From Death Shall Have No Dominion

Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;

Though lovers be lost love shall not;

And death shall have no dominion.

-Dylan Thomas