August 2nd, 2002

don't fear death


i feel delightfully vulnerable. it isn't a feeling i ever thought i would enjoy....or want at all. i've chosen my partners in the past carefully, but subconsciously unhealthy. unattainable men for the unattainable maia. or a combination of men culminated into most of the things i wanted in one, but distant enough from each not to have a relationship, or a commitment of any kind. if i began to feel, just a twinge of any emotion, i would vanish into thin air.
not this time.
oh, that isn't to say i haven't had my panic attacks. but i haven't had doubts. i haven't had the urge to run.
i am comfortable, calm in my collar. and vulnerable beyond words. i have given up myself. i have given to him my fears, uncertainties, and all my past abilities (need?) to control my emotions, my surroundings and situations. i have given him, willingly, eagerly, all that i am....and yet to be.
oh, that isn't to say either that it doesn't scare the hell out of me ;)

so, to those of you who have this journal bookmarked, please update your bookmark to our new blog page. i invite you to share my new life, new love, new discoveries and new journeys.....


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