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Mar. 24th, 2008

easter at my mom's started off delightfully well. the whole family was there. we haven't all been together since xmas. yummy vegan food prepared by my mom and brought by my grandparents. lots of laughter and sharing memories. my mom, a glass of wine in her hand, was a bit tipsy when i got there. i get quite nervous these days when my mom is drinking because conversation ultimately turns to my sister and then how and why i could have testified at the grand jury and become a main witness for the prosecution. for those of you following, you know i eventually did not testify against her, but instead went to jail for five days on a material witness warrant. in the end, i decided i didn't want to hurt my mother so i avoided testifying, which resulted in a lot of unwelcome drama in my life. apparently this went unappreciated because she continues to criticize me for having gone to the grand jury. it is beyond her comprehension that a subpoena is a serious thing. my sister was convicted without my testimony in her trial and i am quite certain she would have been indicted even if i had not been at the grand jury. and it started after everyone left. she told me that 48 Hours would be in town next week to do a follow-up of the two hour special they did week before last. would i talk to them? i've told her again and again that i will not ever speak to the press. so i told her again. i adamantly repeated that i didn't want to talk about it when she kept asking what i thought about my sister in prison. she pushed and pushed until it reached a point that i told her everything i thought and knew. and then i told her i was done and, for the first time in my life, i got up and walked out of my mother's house without even so much as a goodbye. she left me a voicemail this morning. apologized, said she loved me, and, in the very next breath, started on me again about how i could have talked to the police ten years ago and testified at the grand jury. last year i was so torn between doing what i thought was right and what was best for my family. i chose the latter and paid a miserable price for it. i don't see any difference in the result for my family if i had chosen the former. you know what is ironic.... it is the very sense of what is right and wrong that was instilled in me by my parents that led to my involvement in this. if my father were still alive, i know he would support my decisions. as a mother though, i know i would stand behind my son through thick and thin. on the flip side, if i had two children i am fairly certain i would find some way to support them both. chastised by my mother and criticized by the public in the judgmental comments to news articles, i sometimes feel i am the guilty one. it is so frustrating......
she will be sentenced friday and i am sure, regardless of the outcome, i will bear the blame from my mother for what happens to her. this morning i emailed my mother and shared with her a painful decision i've made. i told her not to contact me until she could find a way to support both her daughters.



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 24th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
You are doing the right thing now, as no doubt you did the right thing before. It must have been impossibly difficult to take the decision to write that e-mail. Even if she never speaks to you again (but I imagine she will at some point), you still had to do it.
Mar. 25th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
I am so sorry that had to happen at easter with your family.

However, I think you did the right thing and I know it was very hard, but be proud of yourself for doing it. Did you mention how unappreciated you feel after putting yourself through all of that hell, or only the fact that it was hell to go through it?

Your mother will see and she will apologize. She tried to with the voicemail and just let herself get taken away again. Parents are really weird sometimes. They know what they are supposed to do for their children and what they are supposed to say and what they really feel inside, but there's just this one thing sometimes that will keep coming up even though the more sensible part of them is trying to get them to shut up about it. If that makes any sense.

-hugs- Really sorry to hear about all of that.
Mar. 25th, 2008 03:46 am (UTC)
From the first time that I met you I knew that you had courage. You may not remember when I walked in, years ago, and you were in tears after talking to your mother, during the estrangement with your sister, there I saw the hurt in your eyes that only comes from a child that deeply loves her mother. I know that you are going through hell for taking a stand, one that has not only has cost you emotionally but physically as well. For the courage and strength that you have shown throughout this time and times before I am proud to have known you. I wish you continued strength.

Courage is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.
Mar. 25th, 2008 09:19 am (UTC)
Mar. 25th, 2008 09:34 pm (UTC)
The whole situation sucks, but I think you're doing the right thing. *hug*
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


don't fear death
melissa muses (or maia, you choose)


wandering does not make you a "gypsy."
why would you call yourself
after those who have no home?
long skirts and hoop earrings
do not make you a "gypsy."
why do you call yourself after
those who have no clothes?

"gypsy" is pejorative. please don't perpetuate the stereotype. educate yourself on what it really means to be a "gypsy" in this world.

Who are the Roma?

Decade of Roma Inclusion

Dženo Association

European Roma Rights Centre

Roma Balkans

Roma National Congress

Romani World



Rroma Media Network

Soros Roma Initiatives

Studii Romani

The European Union and Roma

The Patrin Webjournal: Romani Culture and History

Voice of Roma
World Bank Roma Initiatives

Have a Happy Day! :)

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