melissa muses (or maia, you choose) (melissamuse) wrote,
melissa muses (or maia, you choose)

free spirit taming?

hahaha, thanks to my dear friend thomas.... i found the original "how to", but i love your edits for me! i guess you have a bit of experience, eh? :) i don't think it should be named "taming"....maybe "loving"? or "surviving a free spirit"? or are we back to debating clay and marble (you'd not understand)?
guess there isn't a D/s one out there? think there are many D/s relationships with a free spirit as the s? i often wondered if it was an incompatibility!! someone should write one FOR the free spirits.....

1. Get your priorities straight. What do you want most of the relationship? Think about what your top three expectations are: Commitment? Respect? Honesty? Affection? Companionship? Passion? Security? A free spirit is not able to twist and turn to meet your every need, without losing herself. You'll have to make it simple for them by coming to an understanding of what you want most out of a relationship and asking for that, and nothing else. The passion you discover will be oh, so worth it.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff. Things like time, precautions, and any other kind of minor limit or inhibition will be of no concern to an independent mind. They like to flow through life, following their whims--and this often makes them extremely creative and fascinating individuals, which is what probably attracted you to them in the first place. By imposing dams, as little as they may be, you could very well suffocate the qualities that make this person desirable to you, if you don't manage to scare them off first.
3. Choose your battles (rules) wisely. Don't nitpick. If they're 15 minutes late and you end up missing a movie, roll with the punches and see the next one. But if they're 45 minutes late to pick you up in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood, that's serious. In general, if it doesn't directly threaten the priorities you established in Step 1, then let it go and just enjoy the ride. i don't know about this is the consequences thing....conflicting with the time thing!
4. Avoid setting monotonous rules. Free spirits live for spontaneous moments. Routine and monotony will send this wild horse running towards the horizon. Be creative. Be original. Be spontaneous. She will love you all the more for it. this one makes me think of the ballad of the absent mare, my favorite D/s song.
5. Get to know the person inside out. Study their tendencies, their quirks, their deepest desires, and their worst fears. Always be accepting and open-minded. Knowledge is power. The better you know this person, the less frustrating and easier it will be to control them. Moreover, he or she will sense this and feel like you're the only person who truly knows them and thus, the only person they can be their uninhibited selves around. To a free spirit, this is the jackpot.
6. Give the benefit of the doubt. A person who values his or her independence will truly test your ability to trust. You need to determine early on whether or not you trust this person, and then trust them completely. Sure, you might get burned, but you also might capture the heart of a person that no one else could touch. another good one.....feeling untrusted is devastating.

speaking of trust.....does everyone believe a free spirit will always run from relationships? can't she be flying within one?
and back to taming...the original title of this article. i just don't believe you can tame a free spirit. it is something we are born with, an innate part of who we are. to attempt to tame it would be to change the very core of that person. would you want to change the core of the person you fell in love with? wouldn't it kill the qualities you love about him or her?
see, my friend thomas (who sent this to me) is struggling in a relationship with a free spirit.... he and i have a tiny past, but my inability to commit to a man with his feet on the ground surpassed how i did care for him. it was the free spirit in me he first fell in love with.....rainbow girl, he called me. colors always changing and the freedom to spread across the land with my colors touching everyone. it was - is - a beautiful analogy. but, masochist, that he is.... he has gone and done it again. he is an american, living and working in'd think that in itself shows a little sign of free spiritedness. but he is a bit set in his ways. i told him we all give up a little of ourselves to let another into our hearts. i know....i'm going through some of that now myself. i used to joke that i would give up my passport for the right person and now i am for the right people. who would have thought? i'm not ready to give up all my dreams and i think they know and support that....we share many of the same dreams. untamedgirlie is just like me. her inner child is a free spirit, but conditions like life keep it a little more contained than mine. that is normal. i am not! i am learning to be a little more normal. sometimes i think if there were a pill to cure my free spiritedness, i would give it a try. i certainly would have week before last.
thomas, i think, is more free spirit than he will allow himself to be. he works for human rights. she is a kiwi volunteering with the same organization. he isn't stuffy...he just needs to learn to let go. i remember, in india, when i knew him, monsoon season came. we had long, hot, dry months. when the first hard rain came, i spent an hour dancing and singing in it. i was soaked to the bone, but it was one of the happiest moments of my life. he stood on the dry balcony and laughed at me. i took care to remove the critters from my room. he rolled his eyes at me. one saturday morning i woke up with an urge to go to the train station and catch the next train going south - to anywhere. he thought it was insane. i went anyway. i had a wonderful time in tamil nadu and didn't come back for a week. i swam, half naked, in the Ganga. he swore i would catch a disease. i am still alive. (don't you wish you hadn't missed all that, thomas? ;) )
so, here is my advice. (i think it could apply to anyone who wants to be happy). life is short. life is mostly good. we get what we make of it. enough cliches? how to love a free spirit? be one!
dance and sing in the rain, at least once in your life.
wake up in the mornings and've made it to another day.
pick a direction and catch the next train going that way - or drive that way until you are almost out of gas, and do it with the top down.
see how many stamps you can share in your passports. travel really can be cheap.
keep life simple. own only what you can carry with you.
never have a note, if you can help it. it ties you to material things. and material things, suck.
love animals, people and insects.
don't eat any of the above! be good to the earth and she will be good to you.
do a good deed everyday....especially if you can do it for a stranger, anonymously.
do no harm.
always, always remember the people you love may not wake up in the morning, so love them with everything you have today.
walk barefoot in the wet grass and the warm sand.
pick up starfish and toss them back into the sea.
make funny faces at children.
make old people laugh.
sing along to the music....who cares if you are off key?
then turn it up as loud as it will go and dance like a crazy person (you should do this often! i have an entire directory on my iPod called "stressed".....when i long for freedom, i close my door, crank it up and let go!
this one makes my son laugh.... extra time driving somewhere? pick a car and follow it a while.
write a love letter and snail mail it
some people are just naturally pessimistic and negative. avoid them.
hang out with happy people.
don't just stop and smell the flowers....pick one and wear it in your buttonhole, or your hair.
read poetry to the one you love. and listen.
think outside the box - better yet, live outside the box!
forget the past and remember the future isn't here yet, but NOW is
don't worry over the things you can't change, change the things you can
never make a promise you absolutely cannot keep - this means never make a promise cause shit happens.

these aren't just free spirit things, but things that make life fun! if life isn't fun, what is the alternative???

thomas (waves) reads my journal, but doesn't have one of his own. i've posted my reply to him here (he doesn't mind) in case anyone else has had the misfortune to fall in love with a free spirit and cares to share. thomas - if your kiwi wants to dance in the rain when monsoon starts, get your ass out there with her! if she doesn't, you lead. she will! go to the train station, get two tickets to some place she hasn't been. surprise her. heh, take her to one of sai baba's laughing parties. i dare you! and laugh! let your free spirit lose to play with hers....i promise she won't go home. when i met chris, he had plans to leave in two months to teach english in la paz. he was just working a bit to save money to go. i knew i could fall in love with him for that. but, i know the exact moment i fell in love with him.... he was telling me the story of how he rode a yak half way through tibet. the very moment i decided to move in with ned and linda, we were talking about moving to prague where i could finish school....or france, but we talked about it as if the potential was there. those plans didn't pan out......but we will have free spirit summers and relationships are about compromise, yes?
see, she has to know, by tying herself to you, she won't be tying herself down. i think i've learned it isn't commitment that frightens a free spirit, it is losing herself. it is the other person wanting to change you.
you've read the unbearable lightness of being..... and we've talked about my temporary house arrest.... feet to the ground will kill a free spirit. what is a body without a spirit?

Two years of therapy is equivalent to an hour talk with the right dog.
When rating how well something went, the fact that nothing spontaneously caught on fire is a good thing.
Misunderstood words can still hurt once understanding is achieved.
Time is an illusion invented by the Swiss to sell watches.
Picking up a bundle of straw does not unbreak the camel's back.
Happiness is cool grass on your belly and a yellow dandelion nearby to eat.
From time to time, walk out in the mystical moist night air and look up in perfect silence at the stars.
Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
Don't blame things on unseen forces. You alone are responsible.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Grow intellectually but always remain a child, because as long as you do, the world will remain a wonderous place.

“Shackled heart, free spirit.—Whoever binds his heart tightly and imprisons it may indulge his spirit in many liberties: I have already said that once. But no one believes me unless he already knows.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Tags: rambles

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