since...and before chris... when i leave a man the first thing i want to do is shower. with very hot water, i lather up twice, shampoo my hair twice.... i really don't think i ever realized until today that it is a ritual for me. a diametrical ritual. i want to remove every trace...every epithelial cell still on mine...every kiss...every touch. it is how i reclaim my body.
i think it has occurred to me that i don't want love at all. if it weren't teeth, it would be something else. i want control...and surrender. but i want to wash it all away afterwards....