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i found a better way to control myself for orgasm denial....
at the height of the moment and the precipice of begging...
"do you love me?"
omg......that did it. not only the orgasm, but the whole fucking mood.

bear in mind, this isn't even in person.... we have only been talking on skype. planned to meet in june.

i don't play with those words. did he really think i would say yes cause i wanted to cum that bad? years ago there was a dom that i had been seeing for a few months. i remember quite well being tied to a post of the four-poster bed and beaten rather roughly with a whip. "tell me you love me." i said no over and over and he hit harder and harder. i have little doubt i would have let him beat me to a bloody pulp before i would have said those words, not meaning them. i think that was the beginning of the end. once we talked i discovered he loved me, but had that "who says it first loses" mentality.

i was excited...thrilled really, that i may have found someone to fill the void in my life. now i am just confused and it really sucks......


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 16th, 2007 12:20 pm (UTC)
Well, drat. :-(

Sorry, hon. Here's hoping for better luck next time. *quietly waves pom-poms*
Apr. 16th, 2007 01:08 pm (UTC)
ok, thank you..because i am now laughing my ass off over the visual i have of you on the sidelines of my semi-existant sex life waving pom-poms!!!
Apr. 18th, 2007 02:20 pm (UTC)
"Ra! Ra! Sis Boom Bah! Goooooooooooo ORGASM!"

"Feel the sweat! Feel the bliss! It just doesn't get much better than this! Hoorayyyyyyy MAIA!"

"Raise your floggers high! Ready? O-K! It's time, to get LAID..."

Apr. 16th, 2007 12:43 pm (UTC)
That can indeed kill the mood. Those aren't words I play with either, but alot do just throw them around.

Though I kind of hold them back even when I know it to be true, as in some ways I believe dealing with people is like a poker game. lol About certain things anyway.
Apr. 16th, 2007 01:06 pm (UTC)
i decided to be honest with him and tell him how i felt about it. he said he wanted to push me to see what i would do.... who knows. i am not feeling especially comfortable, but we'll see what happens...
Apr. 16th, 2007 01:15 pm (UTC)
Wow, that can definitely be a mood killer.

To use a line from Real Genius, "I'm both happy and sad for you."
Apr. 16th, 2007 04:26 pm (UTC)
I don't personally subscribe to the concept "who says it first loses".

I'm more of a "who says it too soon in a relationship loses" kind of guy :D This one qualifies!!
Apr. 16th, 2007 04:34 pm (UTC)
i think i am a "who says it too soon" kinda gal ;) i like that!
Apr. 17th, 2007 11:53 pm (UTC)
If this person makes you so happy maybe you can try to work out seeing them when they love you too soon and you don't love them back?

Unless it just creeps you out way too much, but I don't know. I'm not really good at relationship advice. But, it does suck about that, yes.
Apr. 18th, 2007 05:41 am (UTC)
Just noticed the add. Come on by and introduce yourself.

I don't weight the words "I love you" very heavily. I make a habit of telling lots of people I love them early and often. Love is not a weighty thing. Its free, healthy, playful, and keeps a spring in your step. It's a feeling, nothing more. It can be expressed in action in any number of different ways, from the casual to the deeply serious.

It sounds like the tops trying to extract the words from you were engaging in a kind of emotional extortion, which has nothing to do with love. I think topping should be something you do for your sub's emotional needs as much or more than your own. If he just misplayed the scene, that's one thing. But I don't think a top who needs that to be comfortable in his role is ready to be topping.
Apr. 18th, 2007 02:43 pm (UTC)
I don't subscribe to the whole "who says it first, lose" idea, either. Come to think of it, I don't believe there's really any such thing as "proper timing" when it comes to saying it.

I have a belief that the heart knows when the right time has come to speak the words, and when that time comes, the heart will not suffer the mind in any way trying to stop them. Whether the other person is ready to hear them or not seems to be irrelevant. Trying to stop the heart from expressing love is somewhat like trying to stop an orgasm--it CAN be done, but it's reeeeeaaaaaaallllllly uncomfortable.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


don't fear death
melissa muses (or maia, you choose)


wandering does not make you a "gypsy."
why would you call yourself
after those who have no home?
long skirts and hoop earrings
do not make you a "gypsy."
why do you call yourself after
those who have no clothes?

"gypsy" is pejorative. please don't perpetuate the stereotype. educate yourself on what it really means to be a "gypsy" in this world.

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